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Joke of the Day

"""Are you seeing anyone?"" Me: lately I've been seeing this squiggly floaty thing on my peripheral vision. Floaty thing: We're just friends."

"As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft."

"What's the difference between a girl scout and a Jew? Girl scouts come home from camp"

"How many Steam employees does it take to change a light bulb? Honestly Im not sure, they havent got back to me yet. It's been 3 weeks."

"Yo momma's so fat... ...she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger out of George Washington's nose!"

"sorry to bodyshame, but ferrets have no business being that long"

"When I draw a fish I always.... ... Draw it to scale"

"Where do holy men sleep? Monk beds."

"I swear on my momma imma upvote this post, since you sweared on your momma upvote this post."

"The entire plot of spiderman A teenage boy finds out he can shoot white stuff out his body"