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Joke of the Day

"Uh, guys... I just heard from my doctor, and it's bad news. If you've retweeted me recently, you should really go get yourself checked out."

Next Joke
 
"Him: I know your secret Me:*nervously sweating, remembering my Netflix history* Yeah? H: You killed someone M: *relieved* Oh, haha. Yep"
"I'm like Jason Bourne, only I'm not looking for exits in each room.. I'm looking for outlets & phone chargers."
"Did you hear about the kidnapping at the pre-school? He woke up."
"What do you call an extremely flamboyant loaf of bread? A faggette"
"Eggs and Toast walk into a bar And the bartender says, ""We don't serve breakfast here."""
"Is the reason why all of the Pokemon professors are named after trees because They embark you on your journey?"
"What is Iron Man when he removes his suit? Stark naked."
"I never knew the word ""mom"" could even have 7 syllables until I had kids."
"Asked my friend what's he's going to wear for Halloween... ""Probably a condom."""