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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at the pre-school? He woke up."

"Chuck Norris once went sun-bathing... ...but unfortunately there were no towels available on the sun."

"What do you call a stand-up comedian with no legs? A prop comic"

"A distracted man walks off a cliff while talking on his phone. He was sentenced to death."

"What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? a canoe tips."

"I make my girlfriend work out 5 times a week and eat healthy. I don't want her getting fat like my wife."

"I said I was mad at myself. My 4yo son looked at me. ""There are fancier words for mad,"" he said, fixing my hair. ""You should say irritated."""

"Benedict Arnold's boy pointed out the front window ...and pointed at a maple. ""Look daddy, a bush,"" he said excitedly. ""That's not a bush,"" Benedict replied, ""that's a tree son."""

"Just opened the freezer and the vodka literally rolled out into my hands, no way I could ignore this sign from god."

"What did the ninja do when he failed to kill his target? He sai'd"