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Joke of the Day

"So I was fucking this woman... And she said that she wanted 12 inches and she wanted it to hurt, so I stuck it in 3 times and hit her with a baseball bat."

"In a physio waiting room amongst athletes comparing their stories. I can't wait until my turn when I tell them I slept wrong on my pillow."

"TIL That I Shouldn't have gone to law school, because everyone in /r/news already has their law degree"

"[at restaurant] Me: ""I'm so hungry I could eat a horse"" Wife: ""I'm the same"" Horse family at next table: *just sitting very still*"

"Girls. Don't get upset if your twitter crush stars a really hot girl or even retweets her cause she is prolly really a dude. Stay calm."

"In light of Eid Mubarak, here's one... *Mary had a little lamb ... Now she doesn't!* *Eid Mubarak :)*"

"The wife shares my sense of humour. She hasn't fcuking got one of her own."

"DOCTOR: You've suffered a brain injury. It's affected your hippocampus ME:What? Lol sorry I was picturing hippos at college. Who are u again"

"I thought my neighborhood had turned very pro-Trump... Turns out they just put out their jack-o-lanterns."

"How many people live in the lower part of Italy? There are literally Sicilians."