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Joke of the Day

"[at restaurant] Me: ""I'm so hungry I could eat a horse"" Wife: ""I'm the same"" Horse family at next table: *just sitting very still*"

"Why did Kanye blow up the bakery? Because no one man should have all that flour."

"What does a blonde woman is doing with her ear bonded to the wall ? Listening *house*."

"Hey dad, wanna hear a dirty joke? [SFW] Me: Hey dad, wanna hear a dirty joke? Dad: No, do YOU wanna hear a dirty joke? Me: Sure... Dad: Four white horses fell in a mud puddle."

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Stab in and thrust up."

"Left home on Friday night, got bck home on Monday night. Grandma: U kids dnt knw hw 2 party, wen I ws ur age, I'd come back after a month"

"BARISTA: Would you like to try our new special Peruvian blend? It's sm- ME: I'm just trying to stay awake and not punch anyone."

"Why did Simba's Father die? He didn't mufasta"

"Why did the vegan avoid the confrontation? He didn't want any beef."

"What does PONTIAC stand for? Poor Old Nincompoop Thinks It's A Cadillac"