163350

Joke of the Day

"A lier, crook, and murderer walks into a bar.... The bartender asks, ""What'll it be, Mrs. Clinton?"""

"Why are the top elites around the world scrambling to buy school supplies? Because scissors beats Panama papers ."

"[SPOILER] Who is going to die in the new Star Wars? Some Stormtrooper"

"Opinions are like orgasms, mine's more important and I don't give a fuck if she has one."

"What kind of jeans does mario wear? [Denim denim denim.](http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) ^^^^^^shamelessly ^^^^^^stolen ^^^^^^from ^^^^^^tumblr"

"I had a roommate, but he was ran over by a bus... Now I have a flatmate."

"One day you'll find someone who loves you for you. Someone with low, low, super way low standards. Lower than what you're thinking right now"

"I attempted smoky eye makeup for a holiday party tonight, but instead it looks like I survived a bar fight, so I'm going with that story."

"My girlfriend's car got stolen today, so if you see a man driving a dark green Honda Civic, PLEASE tell him I left some Skittles in there."

"Yo mama is so fat...that she makes Godzilla look like an action figure"