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Joke of the Day

"[first day as homicide detective] Cop: any signs of forced entry? Me: yeah, a bullet somehow forced its way through his face & into his head"

"If you're hitting the gas every time she tries to open the passenger side door, remember, the 8th time is always the funniest."

"""Grow a pear."" - How to insult an apple tree"

"A man gets pulled over... the officer asks the man ""Are you drunk right now?"" The man behind the wheel says ""I swear to drunk I'm not god"""

"Good thing I don't see any political posts on my news feed In fact, my Myspace friends haven't really posted much since 2010."

"Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything."

"Did you hear about the kayaker that hit a submerged couch during the Rio Olympics? It was a fabricated story."

"What do you call a nerd girl with big boobs? ...iRacky."

"According to Ron Burgundy... According to Ron Burgundy from *Anchorman*, people from San Diago are known as Sandiagons. Then what are people from Tampa called?"

"How do you spell Canda? C,eh,N,eh,D,eh"