208679

Joke of the Day

"According to Ron Burgundy... According to Ron Burgundy from *Anchorman*, people from San Diago are known as Sandiagons. Then what are people from Tampa called?"

"My favourite element is helium. I can't speak highly enough of it."

"Ain't therapy great? He yawns, but doesn't seem bored, If you think of his bill, you are poor, If you're feeling blue, and want to get screwed, ""The Rapist"" -it's there on his door."

"Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle His wife is already pregnant"

"Don't you hate it when you're running on a treadmill and then your butt gets really itchy and then you over-share on the internet?"

"I'm not here to make FRIENDS - David Schwimmer on his day off (it is 1996 in this tweet)"

"Hell hath no fury like woman tagged in a Facebook photo that makes her look fat."

"Sorry we don't serve time travelers here Two time travelers walk into a bar"

"I'm giving up negativity for lent. We'll see how long that lasts. Edit: aware it should be pessimism. This is a serious quote from a friend who didn't realise what she'd said."

"Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? Everywhere."