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Joke of the Day

"What if ants aren't insects at all but are vehicles that even smaller insects drive to work?"

"WIFE: you forgot to run the dishwasher again, didn't you? ME: [drinking milk from a flower vase] no, why?"

"Dog Mechanic: The repair is gonna take longer than expected. ""Why's that?"" Dog Mechanic: The clutch is worn out, also because I am a dog."

"The annoying moment when I get comfy in bed and realize I forgot to do something."

"When you f**k up a coded message and have to send it again Re morse"

"What do you call a black pilot? You call him a pilot! you racist!"

"If a family's last name is Smear, do the kids call their grandpa Pap Smear?"

"I used to have a student who suffered from suicidal thoughts but now I don't."

"I think I better go play the lottery because I just correctly plugged in a USB cord on the first try."

"After my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, I decided to start thinking about names. In the end I went for Juan Carlos and hopped on the next flight to Spain."