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Joke of the Day

"The annoying moment when I get comfy in bed and realize I forgot to do something."

"Father Rooney told us he figured out how to make his penis 12 inches Fold it in half."

"I'm going to save my resolution for 2015, I think I want to be an asshole for another year."

"Me: What kind of Dr. treats men who won't talk on the phone? GF: What? M: A Guy-no-call-ogist. GF: I'm killing u in ur sleep tonight."

"What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Wipe"

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? (nsfw, like any good joke) I can't jelly my cock up your ass."

"Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train thief? He has loco motives."

"Poodles are just angry clouds with legs."

"Why don't lobsters share their dinner? Because they're shellfish!!!"

"Every single person on this subway is staring at their phone and I'm so appalled I have to tweet about it."