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Joke of the Day

"If a family's last name is Smear, do the kids call their grandpa Pap Smear?"

"2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing. Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more."

"Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink"

"Idea for a podcast: Friends hang out together and have deep and meaningful discussions and nobody records it and it's not a podcast."

""" I am not Acting"" Me: (talking random shit to my friend) Friend: ""Stop acting stupid"" Me: "" I am not Acting"""

"i'm the girl your mom warned you about... long nails, big eyes, purple tongue, green skin. i'm reptar. i'm reptar from rugrats."

"To a murderer, we're all jailbait."

"Me: ""I'm trying to type the word 'fucking.'"" My iPhone: ""Huh? Surely you mean 'ducking.'"" Me: ""No, I mean 'fucking'."" My iPhone: ""Bullshot."""

"how do you know when a prescription is being written for bulimia? when the directions for use say take one pill twice a day"

"Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: ""Buy one dog, get one flea..."""