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Joke of the Day

"ok guys the gofundme I set up to hire a hitman to kill me is already at 3x its goal you can stop contributing"

"A pirate crew is fleeing from a whaling ship One pirate swabbie asks, ""This be the whaling ship driven by the wench with two vaginas?"" The pirate says, ""Aye, we best be wary of har poons."""

"I never got in trouble when I was young. Guess I'm making up for that now."

"I hit a can of bug spray with a hammer and my dad walked in the room. He caught me beating Off"

"People keep telling me I'm beautiful. What vivid imaginations some people have."

"Where do pirates go after they are thrown out of Kansas? Arkansas"

"One problem with autocorrect is that you always end up posting some thong that you didn't Nintendo."

"When the wife and kids go on vacation, I always keep the neighbors on edge by placing rectangular mounds of dirt throughout the yard."

"My inferiority complex has a pool and tennis courts."

"Do you know why God created atheists? Haha. Good one."