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Joke of the Day

"Georgie Porgie puddin 'n pie, jerked off on his girlfriend's eye, when her eye was all stuck shut, Georgie fucked that one eye slut!"

"HR: know why you're here? Me: I put my tongue in the candy cutter Union: well..unsafe..but fired? HR: the candy cutter's name is Trish"

"It's not fair to blame Pizza Hut for my weight gain. It was more of a Domino effect."

"When my mom told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down."

"What do you call a C-average student from Texas? Mr. President"

"What is the most dishonest fish in the ocean? A lionfish"

"Finishing up my time machine. Bolting down the flux capacitor now. I'll start small and go back a couple of seconds just to see if it works."

"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance We'll see about that"

"What do you call a pie who made his own ears? A pioneer"

"How do you make Holy Water? You boil the hell out of it"