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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a C-average student from Texas? Mr. President"

"On which day do monsters eat people? Chewsday."

"I'm having problems with favstar. Can all of you trophy me to see if it's working right now? Thanks."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog."

"I left Stephen Hawking like 8 voice mail messages before I realised he'd picked up every time."

"Just once I want to see a highway raised by its loving biological parents."

"I used to date a girl with eczema She had cracking tits"

"Me: You a good personal trainer? Him: You bet your emotionally distant dad I am. Me: [through tears] Wow, that's personal. You're hired."

"What phrase describes both my personal life and how I feel about the /r/Ama-ggedon? Fuck /u/kn0thing"

"What is worse, ignorance or indifference? I don't know and I don't care"