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Joke of the Day

"If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?"

"I dropped acid this morning The teacher made us evacuate the lab."

"Did you hear about the guy who drowned in a glass of Ribena? He was dragged away by a strong current."

"You god damn morons. All these celebrity nudes were leaked by the Illuminati to distract us from important shit like karate and hoverboards."

"I knew I was old when I opened internet explorer."

"How did the dog make gold soup? He put in 24 carrots."

"what does a programmer and a photo have in common? They develop better in the dark"

"10 qualities of a perfect girlfriend: 1. Truthful 2. Intelligent 3. Gentle 4. Humble 5. Tolerant 6. Polite 7. Understanding 8. Sexy 9. Smart 10. Young In short:- T.I.G.H.T.P.U.S.S.Y"

"Losing a wife can be hard. In most cases it is damned near impossible."

"You call it nervousness or having the jitters. I call it, I think my body was possessed by a meth addict in detox. Samesies?"