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Joke of the Day

"[At a San Francisco Dance Club] *Grinds cute girl in a mini-skirt* Hey baby, what's your name? ""Robert"""

"We should probably stop all the 'Leo never won an Oscar' jokes... ...it's now irrevenant."

"A cat falls into water, which makes the rooster laugh Moral of the story: a wet pussy makes a happy cock"

"Gold fish don't like being pulled out of their tank for a cuddle."

"Why did the lion get lost? Because jungle is massive"

"What do you call a person who teaches you the art of farting? A tooter"

"My friend turned up to my costume party dressed as an abacus. I knew I could count on him."

"The fish said to the... no the fish over heard... dammit that's not it... Okay I had a really good fish joke but forgot it, be patient walleye think it over."

"THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR... CLAUSTROPHOBIC MAN (runs into a phone booth) (runs out, crying) no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no n-"

"Good cop: We know it was you. Just confess. Murderer: I didn't do nothin' Breaks the fourth wall cop: Your name in this tweet is Murderer."