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Joke of the Day

"Gold fish don't like being pulled out of their tank for a cuddle."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING!"

"Apples greatest success is convincing the world they need a new phone, to replace the one you aren't making phone calls on, every year."

"*leaves the kids w/ a new babysitter *calls to check on the sitter"

"I want to open i pizza place called Original Pizza, so that way if anybody asks if we deliver... yes, OP delivers."

"Panties LUST : Tearing her panties off. Love : Sliding them down gently Marriage : Folding them regularly"

"I called my boss and told him ""the roads are blocked so I'll be redditing from home today"""

"What do you call a zoo with only one dog in it? A shitzoo."

"I started calling my wife ""Zika""... ...so that I could just get a little head, baby."

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his collection of Pixar films except one. He's never going to give you Up."