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Joke of the Day

"Shout out to the sidewalks for keeping me off the streets. *Friend posted this. Gave me a good laugh."

"Circle jerking For when you and your friends want to finish more than each other's sentences."

"Borrowing Money ""Glad to see you, old man. Can you lend me five dollars ?"" ""Sorry, but I haven't a cent with me today"" ""And at home ?"" ""They're all very well, thank you, very well""."

"Protip: Never take your wife with you to your annual checkup. She will tell the doctor way too much about you."

"Spain are blaming their loss this evening on the weather. Apparently it was 2 Chile."

"Teacher: ""What did the Indians bring to the first Thanksgiving?"" Student: ""Baseballs."" Teacher: ""Baseballs?"" Student: ""Yeah they were Cleveland Indians!"""

"Opposing counsel licks his thumb every time he turns a page in his file and basically I didn't even know this rage inside me existed."

"Did you hear about the Bourne identity movie? Matt Damon returns in ..........Still Bourne"

"What was Hitler's favourite air vehicle? heilcopter"

"I killed a girl who posted too many selfies.I think i can claim selfie-defence."