2893

Joke of the Day

"I killed a girl who posted too many selfies.I think i can claim selfie-defence."

"Top 3 questions asked by my parents: 3) How's the business? 2) Do you have a girlfriend? 1) Why are you stealing from our refrigerator?"

"I am never too old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night."

"I've gotten away with blaming the dog for my farts dozens of times so I hope my wife believes me when I tell her that he just shit my pants."

"I tried to join the local hide and seek club today But I couldn't find them"

"What's the least spoken language in the world? Sign language."

"As an Alzheimer's patient, this is my favorite joke on reddit"

"A Brazilian got the first gold medal The police are already after him."

"What branch of the military are horses in? The NaaaaayyyVY"

"What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream? The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)"