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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend has this really weird fetish She likes to pretend she's 13 years old when we have sex. I don't know why, she'll be 13 in a couple of years anyway."

"My Pops told me that you can't go around trying to save everyone. They have to save themselves. He was a terrible lifeguard."

"I should clean mirrors for a living. It's a profession I see myself in."

"A grasshopper walks into a bar... and the bartender gets excited. The bartender says, ""Hey, we've got a drink named after you!"" The grasshopper replies, ""You've got a drink named Greg?"""

"What is 90-60-90? Speed while driving past a speed camera."

"what is the difference between toilet paper and toast Toast is brown on both sides."

"3yr old had a urine test today so we gave him smarties for peeing in a cup. Now he and his brother are pissing in EVERYTHING for more candy."

"Free reddit! http://imgur.com/762fAPG FREE REDDIT!"

"Analysts are suprised Chris Christie ran for president in the first place They thought he'd walk"

"'Rowdy' Ronda came to my town to give a speech. It was Rousing."