162110

Joke of the Day

"The boss accused me of taking a drink during lunch, but he is completely mistaken, I paid for all three of them."

"Uncle Sophia wants to remind you that cooking spray does *not* double as lube in a pinch."

"My wife just gave me that come hither look and when I come hithered she pointed to the trash"

"Why did the cannibal get banned from the hospital? He kept trying the doctors patients(patience)"

"My dog's frightened to walk across shiny floors and won't eat dog food unless I heat it up. I have a feeling he'd be a flop out in nature."

"What if ISIS started claiming responsibility for nice things like when my mom says, ""who emptied the dishwasher?!"""

"If you think you aren't creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it."

"Did you know condoms had serial numbers? I guess you've never had to roll it down that far"

"Why do the Japaneese have squinty eyes? Do you have any idea how bright a nuke is?"

"Two deer walk out of a gay bar... ...one turns to the other and says, ""Wow, I can't believe I blew 50 bucks in there."""