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Joke of the Day

"What if ISIS started claiming responsibility for nice things like when my mom says, ""who emptied the dishwasher?!"""

"I think back to all the times I've masturbated up until now... ...its just nice to know how far I've cum."

"Sorry, I just got your text. Do you still need a ride to the ER?"

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh Ten-Tickles. ... I can't stop"

"~ Gets old. Puts car keys in 'better' place so I won't lose them ~ Can't find keys, has thrombosisDies ~ Comes back as ghost ... finds keys"

"What is brown and sticky? ..........A Stick"

"What do you get if you cross a dog and a sheep ? A sheep that can round itself up !"

"I don't call it stalking I call it checking up"

"Were a blind person to go sky diving, how would they do it? Wait until the leash goes slack, then pull the rip cord."

"I wish I was a Farmer So I could be outstanding in my field."