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Joke of the Day

"Any restaurant can be family style if the waiter criticizes your order"

"Me: What did you do at preschool? 3-year-old: We had to color inside the lines the WHOLE time. Me: 3-year-old: I need to lie down."

"I was wondering why I had pentagrams on my palms. Then I remembered: I've been using hand satanizer."

"What's the worst thing about having sex with 21 year olds? There are 20 of them."

"I wouldn't say I'm superstitious, just a little stitious."

"I can't tell if my baby is a slow clapper or is starting a slow clap to mock my parenting."

"I went to a feminist picnic the other day... It was great, apart from the fact that no one made any sandwiches."

"Ever tried Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they."

"My doctor said I can get back to my college weight if I simply go for a brisk three hundred mile walk each morning."

"Did you hear about the lesbians that built a house yeah, they didn't get any studs, it's all tongue and groove"