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Joke of the Day

"[doing crossword] Me: I'm looking for a word that means slight pause Her: Hiatus? Me: *erasing 'our sex life'* thanks"

"A MILF is a sexy ass mum over 35. If you're 18, you're just an idiot with a baby."

"I dared my little brother to lick my dad's ass, and he did. So he dared me to lick my sister's pussy. Just FYI, the ass is called Toots and my sister's cat is Mr. Pickle. We're both 9 and 12"

"My army buddy was jerking off one night. He was discharged by dawn."

"What's the point of a high school reunion? I have Facebook. I already know you got Fat"

"How do you know a shirt has phoned you? Collar ID"

"When pearl jam comes on and you're like... It doesn't get Eddie Vedder than this"

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants... The bartender says ""Hey! You know you've got a steering wheel in your pants?"" The pirate replies: ""ARRR it's drivin' me nuts!"""

"After Captain America was thawed from the ice, his first encounter with a Japanese-American must've been really awkward."

"They say parrots don't like change... So you could that they are very right-winged."