162002

Joke of the Day

"My toddler fell, smashed his face into the cement, then played it off like he was giving the ground a kiss. No DNA test necessary."

"My mom said follow your dreams, So I went back to bed."

"Judge: Ms Spears, how do you plea? ""I'm not. that. innocent."" *frustrated defense counsel tosses like 9000 papers in the air*"

"Chicks with big tits always seem to say the right things."

"The guy who fell off the ferris wheel is at the hospital.. He's in fair condition."

"I sent in a list of my top ten puns to the newspaper hoping at least one would be selected for the joke of the day. Sadly, no pun in ten did."

"I hate listening to music during sex... There honestly aren't many good 30 second songs out there."

"What did the father lightning bolt do to his son when he miabehaved? He grounded him."

"What do you call a group of alcoholics with the same name? Alcoholics synonymous."

"What is a physicist's favorite social movement? Half-lives matter."