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Joke of the Day

"My friend graduated in psychology with a 3.8 GPA I wish she'd stop telling me her life story and just give me my order of fries already."

"My neighbors listen to awesome music whether they like it or not."

"Thanks for never punching me in the face, most people."

"What do you call a nun in a car? Virgin Mobile"

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A Stick"

"What does a cat call a bowl of mice ? A purrfect meal !"

"Long jokes... are never well received by members of the Wang clan."

"Fuck! I forgot to bring my reusable bag to Whole Foods. People are throwing rocks. I'm bleeding. Send help."

"Tried to be sly and shove the whole cookie in my mouth without him seeing me. Then he turned around and asked me a question."

"How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat? You use a spirit level."