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Joke of the Day

"I don't know why people are surprised when I tell them my Grandfather Made it out of Auschwitz. Most of the German officers did."

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"What career is a perfect ten? Forensics"
"I hate being the only drunk person at the party It totally ruined my sons 6th birthday!"
"What do you call a really pompous person with high blood pressure? Hyperpretentious"
"Helen Keller walks into a bar.... And a table.....then some chairs..."
"Why cant you email a photo to a Jedi? Because Attachments are forbidden."
"Everyone in ""Star Wars"". Everyone in ""The Muppets"". Everyone in ""Game of Thrones"". This is now the first tweet with over 140 characters."
"That which does not kill me has been everything so far."
"Marriage counselling because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they're being an ass."
"Don't mind me. Just over here shaking my phone like a Magic 8-Ball, trying to get the screen to rotate back."