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Joke of the Day

"I used to only listen to classical music... ...but now I think outside of the Bachs."

"Anyone else like the holidays of other cultures? Like, I love the one where you take a bunch of presents and hide them in the attic. Or as you may know it, Anne Frank's birthday."

"What do Hillbillies do for Halloween? Pump-Kin"

"[1st date] WAITER: and how would you like your steak, miss? HER: definitely not wooden *winks across table* DRACULA: *just glares at her*"

"Q: How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum."

"My boss just farted. I asked him if he was trying to get the condom out. He's mad now."

"""I'd like to prescribe you a topical ointment for that skin condition,"" my doctor said. ""Woah, woah, woah, doc,"" I replied. ""Let's not make any rash decisions."""

"Nobody likes the girl who brings the acoustic guitar guy to the party."

"My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft... I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"Did you hear about the robbery at the flower shop? It was a violet crime."