161594

Joke of the Day

"what happens when you're singing in the shower and get soap in your mouth? it becomes a soap opera"

"What does the middle and middle earth have in common They both have short hairy men that like to carry swords"

"My jokes are like space trash... They never land."

"Watched Full House for not even a full minute & now I'm white with a credit score of 720"

"I won't be impressed with science until I can download a waffle."

"So, you know how they put that magic hat on Frosty and it makes him talk? I wonder if there's one that works in reverse, but for children."

"*therapist writes in pad* Me: Sometimes I feel like people don't notice me- *therapist jumps* Therapist: SHIT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?"

"[On date] Her - ""so your profile said you like classical music? I love Mozart & Bach, how about you?"" Me - ""Jurassic Park theme"""

"Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it wasn't born yesterday."

"Depresso; the feeling you get when you've run out of coffee."