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Joke of the Day

"*on first date* Did you know that wool sweaters are the closest you can legally come to being inside a sheep?"

"What happened to the gay couple that mistook Vaseline for wallpaper paste? Their wallpaper fell down!"

"Fact: If you get pulled over, as the cop is walking up to you, place an aluminum foil hat on your head and you disappear from his vision."

"What did the German clock maker say to the broken clock? Ve haff vays of making you tock!"

"I gave two pints of blood at the hospital. You would think they'd appreciate it but they just started asking me questions like... Who's blood is this, and how did you get it?"

"Subway sandwich artists seem like they'd rather kill their mother with an AIDS hammer than give you extra toppings."

"What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common? It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap."

"What starts out happy but ends in tears? Marriage"

"Ever heard of jenkem? It's the shit!"

"I really don't understand why people think mayweather is so great I'd much rather have June weather"