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Joke of the Day

"My boss told me if I kept showing up late he'd give me a pink slip and I was like, how does he know about my tastes in women's underwear?"

"Which doesn't belong: Meat, a Blow Job, Your Wife, An Egg A Blowjob, you can beat your Meat, you can beat your wife, and you can beat an egg, but you can't beat a blow job"

"I wish that if you stopped yourself from sneezing enough times you could shoot an energy ball out of your hand."

"A positive parent.. A positive parent said to their negative child... Your grounded."

"I like listening to Phil Collins in the shower. He gets creeped out when he sees me, though."

"They say 1 in 5 people now live next door to a child molester. Can you believe that?? We'll not me, I live next to 2 smokin' hot 12 year olds!"

"Superpoer Friend: If you could only own one super power what would it be? Me: USSR"

"Why doesn't the queen's farts smell? Because it's a noble gas."

"When you're fast enough to be at two spots at the same time. *Fat"

"I get high before I get my Drivers License pic taken. That way I look normal if I'm pulled over."