158810

Joke of the Day

"My music preferences range between something your grandma would listen to, to something that could potentially kill her."

"HEAR YE, MORTALS. AWAKEN FROM THY SLUMBER. FUCKERY DOTH PLAGUE THE LAND. TIS MINE DUTY TO- *falls off barstool*"

"When the party host collects everyone's coats and throws them on their bed, I just stay in mine and take a nap among the jackets."

"<--------- This guy can't think of anything to tweet so he's gone & done a cute little arrow & pointed it at his Avi with a funny comment."

"Mary Had a Little Lamb She also had a bear. I've seen Mary's little lamb. But, I've never seen her bear."

"What did the cow say... What did the cow say when she jumped over the barbed wire fence? ""I'm udderly ruined!"" credit: my grandma, at every party she's ever been to"

"I saw a commercial on Animal Planet where animals were talking & that's all well & good but they totally got the giraffe's accent wrong."

"Why dont they have Drivers Education and Sex Education class on the same day in Iran Because it would kill the camel"

"What goes 99 clonk, 99 clonk, 99 clonk? A centipede with a wooden leg! *^^Joke ^^I ^^found ^^in ^^the ^^Tokyo ^^Ghoul ^^tag ^^on ^^Tumblr, ^^my ^^brother ^^loves ^^this ^^one!*"

"why are terrorists so popular at parties? Because They're the bomb"