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Joke of the Day
"If my memory foam mattress really had ""memory,"" it could write for Penthouse."
Next Joke
"Why do girls wear make up and perfume? 'Cuz they're ugly and they stink!"
"Ever hear about the Latino doctor that collects inkwells? Nobody expects the Spanish ink physician."
"What do you call a carnivore get-together? a meat-up"
"What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning? He was conducting."
"Don't you hate that feeling when you close your eyes to apply shampoo, and get paranoid that someone will kill you in the shower."
"ME: so what do you do GUY: I'm an oral surgeon ME: *imagining him doing heart surgery with just his mouth* wow I bet you're a helluva kisser"
"Another knock knock joke I can tell knock knock jokes to my dog because when I say ""Knock, knock."" He starts barking and runs to the door... Stupid dog ! There's never anyone !!!"
"[giant fork knocks at my door] ""Excuse me sir do you have any spoons?"" [a family of spoons are cowering in my kitchen drawer] ""um...no sir?"""
"""How'd you die?"" ""I got shot trying to save my fellow soldiers lives in war. You?"" ""I got trampled trying to save on a flat screen"" ""Oh.."""