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Joke of the Day

"Don't you hate that feeling when you close your eyes to apply shampoo, and get paranoid that someone will kill you in the shower."

"What do you call midget psychic on the run? A small medium at large."

"What if Superman landed in Mexico instead of Kansas? He'd be an illegal alien."

"Best part of cleaning the apartment is putting new magazines on the coffee table so you can look cultured for the guests you don't have over"

"A blind woman once told me.. A blind woman once told me I had a nice girth on my cock. But I think she was just pulling my leg."

"before x-rays doctors had to climb inside people and draw a picture of their bones. some still do"

"My teeth are so white I could use them to help land a plane and still no boyfriend. I'm beginning to think TV ads lie."

"Why the patriots deflated 11 balls out of 12? because they knew the ""12"" will be deflated during/after Superbowl."

"Overall productive day.. *Ordered Batman boxer briefs & matching knee socks *Called my mom *Bought an Xbox game, & a goat, on Craigslist"

"Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line."