19751

Joke of the Day

"It's not really fair that little kids can talk and dogs can't. I bet dogs have way cooler stories and they don't ask as many dumb questions."

"Sup girl, I hear u like bad boys *I open the wrong side of juice carton* *evil spirit flies out* Oh, so that's why they say don't do that"

"Be thankful for Twitter. The way gas prices are headed, we're never going to meet real people ever again."

"What do Mexicans put under their carpet? UNDERLAY! UNDERLAY!"

"75 years ago my grandfather died in a concentration camp he fell off a guard tower"

"iPhone chargers are like arguments with a woman some days you have 1, some days you have 5"

"The only good thing about grinding your teeth at night is that every morning you can wake up and do a line of teeth off your pillow"

"Hub: You ready to go? Me: In a minute, I'm beating the kids. [Cut to me just decimating the kids at Mario Kart]"

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He tried to drink tea before it was cool."

"My SO was feeling down today.. G: I feel fat when i look in the mirror, can you compliment me to make me feel better? B: You have great eyesight."