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Joke of the Day

"Today we gain an hour thanks to Day Light Savings Time. What are going to do with it? ....gotcha bitch!"

"Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures."

"Teachers be like... That is improper grammar!"

"My 3yo's bedtime stories include: ""Three-Hour Run-On Sentence,"" followed by, ""Ask For a Drink 500 Times,"" and finally, ""You Skipped a Page."""

"Sometimes Victoria's Secret is Victor's secret on weekends."

"Why did the moron throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Richard Clock, the man accused of viciously knife-raping his wife."

"Why are Twitter jokes not as funny when you read them aloud to a friend? It's not like they had to be there..."

"if it smells like bullshit & looks like bullshit, it probably is bullshit. Putting sugar on it doesn't make it a brownie."

"I think it's important to remember that woman aren't sex objects; women are sex people."

"If you choose to always make it all about you, that's precisely who you'll end up with."