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Joke of the Day

"I used to date a girl with cataracts Things were going great until one day she stopped seeing me."

"Q. Did you hear the Energizer Bunny Was Arrested? R. Charged With Battery!"

"After decorating the house, I spilled cheap vodka on some glitter and dirt I was sweeping up. Now, my house looks like Ke$ha."

"a peaceful man was so opposed to war that he upon reading his draft notice he passed out and remained comatose for the duration of the war he was an unconscientious objector"

"Two in one **Dude**: My IQ is absolutely massive! **Guy**: IQ is a representation of your matriarchal heritage? **Dude**: Clever.. maybe my IQ that big after all **Guy**: Ah, *patriarchal* heritage!"

"We called her herpes helen We called her herpes Helen because her name was Helen."

"How to make a charity 1. find someone in need 2. Create an organization and donate all revenue to said someone 3. ??? 4. nonprofit"

"Mario! Are you coming to save me from Bowser's Castle? PEACH I MIGHT BE"

"There's no such thing as an automatic door. Just gentlemen ninjas."

"The price of Trumps' wall became much cheaper after the election... ...50 million people shit a brick!"