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Joke of the Day

"DAVE: sorry im late alvin needed me DATE: is that your son? DAVE: for the last time gwen, he's the lead singer in the chipmunk band i manage"

"My 84 mother to my 19: Make-up sure does wonders but you don't want your future husband waking up wondering who you are in the morning."

"Dropped a Q-tip, but I caught it before it hit the ground. The ninja behind me said, ""Whoa."" Then we high-fived."

"Now that Steve Jobs is gone we'll never ever know why c**t autocorrects to Cynthia. WHO WAS CYNTHIA?!?"

"How did Helen Keller discover masturbation? Trying to read her own lips."

"Everyone complains about the weather but no one ever wants to sacrifice a virgin about it."

"Entropy ...isn't what it used to be."

"Sometimes I hide my wife's inhaler.... The neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting heavily ""give it to me!"""

"What's a bridges favourite genre of film? Suspense tion"

""" Let me be perfectly clear"" - My Aquarium"