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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish."

"I know it's International Women's Day but I'd like to give a shout out to all the national and local women as well."

"Spent the day attempting crazy driving stunts because I forgot to read the fine print at the bottom of a car commercial."

"Maybe I'm like Spider-Man except I got bit by a radioactive sloth."

"My dad asked me if it's true that if you spend too much time on Reddit, you'll become an idiot ""Kek"", I said."

"[Spelling Bee] Judge: Your word is 'babe' Bee: B-A-E J: Sorry. There's another 'B' Bee: WHAT! WHERE? *goes crazy* *stings Judge* *dies*"

"I now determine the days of the week based on Twitter. Is it Follow Friday yet?"

"[movie theater] Her: *Hands me popcorn bag* Can you put this down? Me: *grabs bag* You stupid, overpriced, salty piece of shit!"

"""Every kiss begins with k"" I whisper to myself as I read the one letter reply from my crush."

"I was hanging out with some lesbians... Yes, I do have a penis. But don't worry, I won't hold it against you."