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Joke of the Day

"Columbus: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Well Columbus: *just yanks me out of my car and drives off in it*"

"Sleeping thoughts Sometimes when I go to sleep I like to look at the stars and just think... what the hell happened to my roof!?"

"Its going down, basement. Friday the 13th guess whos playing Jason? Tuck yourself in you better hold on to your teddy. Its Nightmare on Elm street and guess whos playing Freddy?"

"Girl: ""How do I look today?"" Bruno Mars: ""When I see your faceeee"" Girl: ""Ok ok I get it."""

"How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she fits in your wife's jeans."

"Saved a man from a speeding car Man: Can't trust anyone Me: True Man: Us old ones got to stick together Pushed him in front of the next car"

"Large tsunami hits Mexico - 300k were killed... ...Canada sends money, Brazilia sends food, USA sends 300k mexicans."

"Helen Keller What was Helen Keller's favorite color? Corduroy."

"If life gives you lemons... Make lemonade. If life gives you melons... You might be dyslexic"

"If you pull a lizard's tail off, it will grow back. If you pull it off again, the lizard will be like ""dude."""