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Joke of the Day

"I quit my job at the helium factory... I refuse to be spoken to in that tone"

"I pitched my movie idea to a producer . It was about a kid who found out his transgender uncle was a superhero. I called it Auntman, the producer didn't get the idea, because he was black..."

"Hey girl, are you a washing machine? Coz you're making my pants wet!!!!"

"How do you greet people at a funeral? Mourning, everybody!"

"What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow. A second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts."

"A Mexican magician says... ...that he'll disappear on the count of three. ""Uno... dos..."" **POOF!!** He disappeared without a tres."

"A burrito.. in a bowl? Sure that sounds great! And while you're at it, why don't you rip the blankets off me while I sleep, u piece of shit"

"My niece said I look like a mom. So now we're playing a game, sorta like Hide-N-Seek, except I hide her and no one finds her. Ever."

"Why did the cow slap the bull? He didn't play well with udders."

"What do most people do when they see a python ? They re-coil !"