160824

Joke of the Day

"[Courtroom] Judge: One more word & I'll hold you in contempt! Me: Yes! *jumps on his lap & throws arms around him* This is nice."

"My friend David's ID was stolen the other day Now we just call him Dav"

"My roommate said he gets laid ten times more than me. 0x10=0"

"Almost had a threeseom. All i needed was 2 more girls."

"People you mute should stay in your TL but with a piece of tape over their avatar mouth and their tweets all like ""Mmmp mm mmmph rf mph."""

"I've been told I look like a young Denzel Washington's white neighbor."

"Biology: The science of writing awesome bios."

"I'm sick of reading them, these vagina jokes have got to stop Period."

"I always keep at least 6 wigs in my trunk for trips to the grocery store so I can keep going back for samples"

"How do you get the walls of your house as bright as they can possibly be? Use LED based paint."