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Joke of the Day

"I'm tired of this one night stand mentality in college... I have multiple lamps and alarm clocks, I need at least two night stands."

"Where do nieces and nephews come from? Aunt holes"

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? You don't tell her anything anymore, you've already explained twice."

"""Your teeth are like the stars"" he said As he pressed her hand so white. He spoke the truth for like the stars Her teeth came out at night!"

"ISIS is taking back territory after a surprise turn of events Their new partnership with Samsung is quickly paying off"

"Wanna burn fat quickly and without dieting? Here, take this gasoline and matches."

"How many friend-zoned guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'll just compliment it and then get pissed when it doesn't screw."

"""chill before serving"" is the best advice I can think of if you're an angry waitress"

"Saved a little girl from getting raped this weekend I raped a little boy instead"

"What's the difference between Polio and 9/11? The government actually wanted to stop Polio."