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Joke of the Day

"Do you know how the store Menards got its name? A pirate was kicked in the nuts and he went, ""Arr! Me-nards!"""

"The wife & I fought last night. Saying things that can't be taken back. Like perishable goods. Baby food. DVDs with broken seals. Underwear."

"These racing car drivers are making a lot of pit stops. You'd think they would have went before the race."

"there are 1,013,913 english words but I never could string together any of them to accurately explain how much I want to hit u with a chair"

"Hey baby, there's an OverflowException in my pants, care to handle it for me?"

"How do you know Jesus loves Japanese food? Because he said he loves miso."

"What's it like having sex with a wave? Fucking hertz."

"""wow these chicken wings are SPICY"" i say aloud to no one, the world ended years ago. i'm not even eating wings. even the sun has gone"

"What part of the house does a ghost not use? The living room"

"This is the pig I've been fucking said the husband. The wife looks at the animal in the husband's arms and says that's a duck I was talking to the duck the husband said."