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Joke of the Day

"Jay-Z's wife took him and their kid to the ocean for a day trip It was a Bey, Bey's bae, & baby bay day."

"*moves heaven & earth for her* *moves more left *more left *little right *little more right *moves heaven & earth back to original spot*"

"Men are like floors... Lay them right the first time, and you can walk all over them."

"In most conversations, my face is basically a red battery logo with 10% written next to it."

"I'll have you know, I've been sober for just over 100 days. Not like, in a row or anything...just in general."

"Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? A1: You need a quarter to use the phone."

"(Old WoW joke) ...and Jesus said to his disciples 'I shall grant you wisdom and salvation.' And the disciples replied 'could we get kings instead?'"

"Saw a cute girl at work today. I told her I get off in five minutes and she smiled. Then I said I finish work in one hour and she left."

"What's the difference between a wife and a dog? The later you get home, the happier one is to see you"

"Why do hockey players wear so many pads? Because they have 3 periods every game!"