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Joke of the Day

"How can i convince my Buddhist friend that he owes me money from 3 lifetimes ago?"

"What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea? One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs."

"Did you hear the joke about the jump rope? Eh nevermind, I'll just skip it."

"""Seamstress, you come pleat me."" -Pants"

"Me: What are my choices again? Pollster: Donald Trump... Me: Or? Pollster: Puppymonkeybaby. Me: ... Pollster: Well? Me: I'm thinking."

"How do you get around fast on the bottom of the sea? Skates!"

"Picture someone robbing you. Congratulations, you're a fucking racist."

"Why did the condom cross the road? It got pissed off."

"The Human Centipede wasn't that bad really.. ...most of it was tongue in cheek."

"What does an Asian prostitute say to asbestos workers? Meso horny."