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Joke of the Day

"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of Charades. And then all your friends feel bad, because they kept yelling ""Stroke!"""

"""Dear Gillette, 5 blades on the Fusion is enough, chill out."" -Seal"

"What do you call an Asian lobster? A crustasian"

"It really stinks when you bite into what you expect to be a hot dog but it's actually a sausage That's the wurst"

"""Why are you always tired, Dad?"" my 3-year-old asked as she woke me from a nap by poking me in the eye."

"Magic Q: What does ""Magic"" stand for in Ervin ""Magic"" Johnsons' name? A: **M**y **A**ss **G**ot **I**nfected **C**oach!"

"Interviewer: says here you have a military background Me [getting out my phone]: yeah but I changed to a picture of my dog eating spaghetti"

"[driving 2 school] *looks back,sees toothbrushes in child carseats WAIT! IF YOU'RE HERE THEN... [cut to kids at home, covered in toothpaste]"

"When the picture of the vampire's grandmother crashed to the floor in the middle of the night what did it mean? That the nail had come out of the wall."

"What does the ""L"" stand for in Samuel L. Jackson? Motherfucking It stands for motherfucking"