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Joke of the Day

"I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful."

"This bloke in the pub last night was boasting that when he orgasms, he ejaculates up to a pint of semen at a time.I found that a bit hard to swallow"

"What did Darth Vader say to the vegetarian stormtrooper? ""I find your lack of steak disturbing."""

"JOB OPPORTUNITY: Riot police officers needed. Interviews are being held tomorrow. Come early.... ....beat the crowd."

"The service on my iPhone is so bad I'm thinking of calling it my AOL phone."

"I think my cat is using me for my money I mean the sex is great, but I just don't feel an emotional connection."

"Conversations get real after midnight. 11:59 pm - ""I love ramen noodles"" 12:01am - ""I feel like I can trust you. I killed a man once"""

"A man falls over and lands on a globe. He heads to the doctors. The doctor asks what's wrong. ""I've got this spain in my arsehole."""

"What does Light Yagami drink at the bar? Tekira!"

"""I just want a guy that makes me laugh"" *makes her laugh* ""Not you."""