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Joke of the Day

"JOB OPPORTUNITY: Riot police officers needed. Interviews are being held tomorrow. Come early.... ....beat the crowd."

"When does one plus one equal three? Nine months later."

"I always get chloroform confused with chlorophyll. This guy I kidnapped is awake and angry but his leaves have never been more lush."

"ME: I used to lay in the dark and invite spirits to inhabit my body. HER: Did they? ME: [levitates, engulfed in flames] WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

"Anyone ever notice ""Seven"" has the word ""even"" in it. That's odd."

"Tell me more about how awful dubstep is, generation that celebrated disco."

"I have a lettuce stuck up my ass But it's just the tip of the iceberg."

"Got a new roommate. She cleans my room, I clean hers. We are maid for each other."

"One tectonic plate bumped into another and said ""Sorry. My fault"""

"Saw this movie about Jewish people this afternoon.. It had a hollow cast."