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Joke of the Day

"What is the TSA's favorite movie? Inspection."

"Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone's battery."

"What color is a baby in the microwave? I wouldn't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate"

"A lawyer walks into a bar... He passes."

"Me: ""I mean, how can Harry Potter be the best Quidditch Seeker when he's the only one with glasses?"" Librarian: ""Just pay your fine, Ma'am."""

"A father asks his child, ""Could you please stop listening to Korean music?"" ""K, pop."""

"A guy walked up to my bar. He said, ""Can I have a stiff drink?"" ""Of course,"" I replied, cracking some Viagra pills into his whiskey."

"Apparently, when your boss asks you to get a cake for a coworker's 60th birthday, 'cake' is not code for 'stripper.' Live & learn, guys."

"Two nuns were riding their bicycles through the back streets of Rome... One turns to the other and says, ""Wow, I've never come this way before!"" The other nun says, ""Oh, it's the cobblestones!"""

"My friend told me to stop pretending to be a flamingo. I had to put my foot down."